DEPRESSION & ANXIETY COUNSELLING IN SINGAPORE
You can understand exactly why you feel this way and still not know how to stop feeling this way.
You may know that your anxiety is disproportionate.
You may know that you “should” be grateful.
You may understand why you are depressed.
You may even know all the coping strategies.
And yet your mind keeps racing, your body stays tense, or getting through an ordinary day still feels much harder than it seems it should.
Therapy is not only about giving you more insight. It can help us understand what keeps the anxiety or depression going — and what may need to change for something to actually feel different.
DEPRESSION & ANXIETY CAN HIDE WELL
You can be functioning and still be struggling.
Some people with anxiety look extremely capable.
They prepare.
They plan.
They anticipate problems.
They work hard.
They make sure nothing goes wrong.
From the outside, it can look like competence.
Inside, it may feel like never being able to switch off.
Depression can hide too.
You may continue going to work, replying to messages, caring for your family and doing what needs to be done.
But everything takes more effort than it used to.
Functioning is not the same as feeling okay.
Anxiety is not always panic.
Overthinking
Your mind repeatedly runs through possibilities, conversations and things that might go wrong.
Needing certainty
Not knowing can feel intolerable, so you research, check, ask, plan or seek reassurance.
Perfectionism
Doing things “properly” may feel less like preference and more like protection from criticism, failure or shame.
Physical tension
Your body may remain restless, tight, breathless or unable to fully settle.
Avoidance
You postpone or avoid situations because the anxiety beforehand feels unbearable.
Irritability
You postpone or avoid situations because the anxiety beforehand feels unbearable.
Depression is not always sadness.
Being a 'happy' person with others
You might hide your depression by showing others that 'you are okay' and not let them know too much about your struggles.
Lack of Self-Regard
You might feel little regard for yourself, and it is easier to do things for others instead of for yourself.
Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms
You may engage in numbing behaviours such as mindless sex, drinking excessively, etc.
Questioning the Meaning of Life
You may find life pretty meaningless and struggle to find a sense of purpose in life.
Everyone struggles differently. You don't need to be anxious or depressed "enough" to get help.
WHEN YOU ARE HARD ON YOURSELF FOR STRUGGLING
Sometimes there is the original pain — and then there is the way you punish yourself for having it.
You feel anxious.
Then tell yourself:
“Why am I like this?”
You feel exhausted.
Then:
“Everyone else also has it hard, but they are managing."
You struggle to get something done.
Then:
“I am useless.”
Now you are not only struggling.
You are struggling while being attacked by your own internal voice.
Self-criticism can feel motivating while quietly making everything heavier.
Therapy can help separate responsibility from shame.
You can work on something without having to hate yourself into changing it.
WHEN SUCCESS DOESN'T FIX IT
Sometimes you get the thing you thought would finally make you feel okay — and you still don't.
The promotion happens.
The relationship happens.
The degree happens.
The money improves.
People respect you.
And the feeling you were expecting never quite arrives.
Or it arrives briefly before the goalposts move again.
This can be especially confusing for people who are objectively doing well.
Achievement can solve practical problems. It cannot always solve the belief that you are still not enough.
SOMETIMES THE PRESENT IS NOT THE WHOLE STORY
Anxiety and depression can also be connected to older patterns.
For some people, the difficulty is primarily happening in the present.
For others, present-day anxiety, shame, numbness or relationship difficulties are connected to earlier experiences.
You may have learned:
“I have to perform to be valued.”
“I cannot disappoint people.”
“I should not need anything.”
“Something bad will happen if I lose control.”
“If people really know me, they will leave.”
When this is the case, simply disputing the thought may not be enough.
Therapy may also involve attachment-based or trauma-informed work.